


Diary of an Unhealthy Diet

by curlysupergirl



Series: Weight: An Obsession [2]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), American Idol RPF, Glam Rock RPF
Genre: Eating Disorders, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-20
Updated: 2012-04-20
Packaged: 2017-11-03 23:30:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/387178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/curlysupergirl/pseuds/curlysupergirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam was dieting badly, but now he's doing it healthy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Diary of an Unhealthy Diet

04/20/12

Dear Tommy,

Feeling nauseous. Every time I think of the churning in my stomach or that sharp saliva taste in my mouth, I think of what I ate today. I had two pieces of white chocolate. I feel sick at the thought. I don’t know if I really don’t feel well, whether it is because I ate something bad or am just overtired, but I cant help worrying that it is just psychological. I am really nauseous. And I wish I could just throw up, just so I could get it out, but I just can’t bring myself to stick my fingers down my throat. Not after that talk we had. I’ve leaned over the toilet bowl twice already, hoping it would come up on its own. I even tried gagging myself with my tongue. But it’s not working. So I remain nauseous. As the hypochondriac that I am, I next think it is dehydration. So I take a water bottle along for our walk, and keep drinking. For all I know, it could be a combination of not enough sleep, something messed up in my head, and not enough water. Anyway, I digress. The point was that I wanted to thank you for that talk we had. I know you weren’t happy but that’s what it took to make me stop throwing up. Every time I get nauseous, I just think of how annoyed you would be with my stupidity if I forced myself to throw up. You give me strength. Every day. Every time I think about how easy it would be to lose weight by just not keeping down the food, I think of you. You are my inspiration to do this healthily. Thank you for that.

 

P.S. got on the scale. I’m down to 195.4 at night. That probably sounds crazy to you, but to me, it is an accomplishment. And when I eventually show this to you, I think you'll be proud. Gonna keep working on it but I feel okay about myself at this point, if not a little disgusted when I look in the mirror at my stomach and thighs, cheeks, legs, and arms. I like my eyes though- I haven’t lost all of my self- adoration yet. Gotta go to sleep. I’m waking up early tomorrow. Coming to kiss you good night now.

 

Toujours Fidele,

Adam

 


End file.
